I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He shit in the fireplace
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
