sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
