Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Its about making memories worth repressing
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize