I'm so fucking centered right now
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
