u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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