im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
