isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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