No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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