This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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