girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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