What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
