I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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