Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
