She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
