there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
