dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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