What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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