I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
