i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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