I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
