You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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