i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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