i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
