I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
