please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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