I hate your face
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
