Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
