yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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