Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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