i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
