I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
