my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
