Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
