apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just had sex on a roof
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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