he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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