I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
