He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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