I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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