my phone needs a breathalizer
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
