Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
