How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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