Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
