So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
