I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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