Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
