Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
