The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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