I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
