DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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