No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
