if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All the doctor said was why
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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