i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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