I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
