Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
