I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
