I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
