wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
