Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
