speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
