I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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