What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
