...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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